second thoughts.

http://rogerbennett.typepad.com/

This is Rogers blog that they kept while Roger went through his journey,just thought I would share it.

I say they because I think sometimes his wife posted while he was to sick.

Its time

Well today is the day,She went in this Morning to begin the transplant.Wow its here.They are about a week behind because the person who had the room before was still sick.Anyway shes in.and go through testing and such so y'all keep her in your prayers its going to be a long walk.I pray she has the faith and the strength to get through this.They say faith of mustard seeds moves mountains.So Im praying she does..

This video is from Roger Bennet is was with a group called legacy Five till God called him home with Leukemia.So his song talk about what Kellys going through and will be going through,For those of who dont know my sister for her 30th bday was told she had leukemia.So she is now in the hospital getting ready for a transplant.Her twin sis.is the donor.Thanks y'all.

Todays thoughts

Hello.,

Hello all y'all out in blog land!!! LOL.Just thought I would take a few and say hey to everybody.Not much going here.My girls are realy starting to become realy computer smart.yesterday Im in bed its about 9am,They say they are getting up and going to go and watch TV in the den.OK,no biggie,well I guess they decided to turn the computer on!!! Cause Im in bed and all of sudden I hear HEY ED Hauser here!!! LOL.Im like what?? HUH LOL they had the churches you tube videos on!!!!! What a wake up.Then they started fighting over who Bro,ED belonged to.Brooke said hes was hers and Kate said he was her.I told them just like Moma there was enough Bro.Ed for both of them.

My sis goes in this week to start the transplant.It was suppose to be Monday but the person in the room is still sick and now its a waiting game.....So keep her in y'alls prayers.

Guess thats it.Brookes MRI went well.NO CHANGE!!!! 3 hour wait to say no change,CRAZY PEOPLE just call.mmkay.

Is something wrong with me??

I feel so numb inside.Last night when we went and saw fireproof.While other women were crying.While my eyes filled with tears they never fell.I dont remeber the last time I realy cried,Not even in pain.I just feel so numb.I think Im afraid to cry.Afraid that once I start I wont be able to stop.Most og you know what my family has gone through this past year and I dont recall crying once??? My eyes may have misted but as far as crying NO!!!!!!! I feel so cold hearted.But so numb realy.I almost have a feeling that others may think Im strange because of this.BUT I cant cry I dont know why fear or just the shock of everything that has happened hasnt worn off,I mean could I be still in shock,Maybe denial??????? I have been there before my heart tends to understand things first before my brain clicks.I hope Im sense here,So if anything heartbreaking,or the later is going on and you see me.Just know whats going on?? Its because I cant or the tears just wont fall.Im not cold hearted lst I dont think I am.????????? Maybe Im just numb right now and Im running on some suvior mode??? Ok I think Im going to close now.Im rambling which I tend to do to much of,LOL!!!

The Voice of Truth...

Good Morining all y'all.How are y'all this fine Thursday!!!!!!! Not much going on here today,but of course its still early.Ive been up since 5am thinking about the things that have been going on in my life and why God has led my to the church hes led me to.The Casting Crowns song Voice of truth nags at me,The verse that talks about stepping out of my comfort zone,the SBC,and steppping out in to the great unknown where Jesus is.Its like I have this vison and Im in a boat and Im stepping out into this body of water where the pastor Bro.ED and serval church members are.(They are readers).LOL!!! And they are waving at me to come on in,while the people in the boat my former church and some friends cant make them out,But thats ok its not the point,And they are laughing like girl you dont know what you doing.But ya know I dont know what Im doing,They are right,But my God knows whats he doing,and I will listen and belive because he is the voice of truth!!!! I belive that this were God wants me He is at Quest.He has me here for a reason,and it will be made known in His time,after all our time is not his time!!!!


Thankful Thursday!!! Ok Quest most def.Bro.ED and my readers.Most of you or Quest members,
So Im thankful for yall my new church family.
That we have a date!!! Kelly my sister as many of you know will be having a bone transplant and as of last Thursday,they said it maybe as early as the 21st but most def by 27th!!!!!!!! So add them to your prayer list.

That Brookes MRI went well.She had issues at first not wanting to go.But after she got in her room and relaxed she was fine.It took awhile but she was a tropper.

Ok guess thats it,Im drawing blanks and fixxin to start rambling so before that happens Im outta here.Till next time,Love y'all!!

He took my place.

One day, a man went to visit a church, He got there early, parked his car and got out. Another car pulled up near the driver got out and said, ' I always park there! You took my place!' The visitor went inside for Sunday School, found an empty seat and sat down. A young lady from the church approached him and stated, 'That's my seat! You took my place!' The visitor was somewhat distressed by this rude welcome, but said nothing. After Sunday School, the visitor went into the sanctuary and sat down. Another member walked ! up to him and said, ' That's where I always sit! You took my place!' The visitor was even more troubled by this treatment, but still He said nothing. Later as the congregation was praying for Christ to dwell among them, the visitor stood up, and his appearance began to change. Horrible scars became visible on his hands and on his sandaled feet. Someone from the congregation noticed him and called out, 'What happened to you?' The visitor replied, as his hat became a crown of thorns, and a tear fell from his eye, 'I took your place.' ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~When you read this, say a prayer. That's all you have to do. There is nothing attached. This is powerful.Maybe, just maybe, we will always be thinking of who took our place.


**I didnt write this,but isnt so true about most churches,They have there pews.There seats.and get there feathers in a ruff over little things.I have a friend who is going through this same thing,well pretty much somebody got upset and now they are without a church home.Ya know Im a back row Baptist,Although at the moment Im not a baptist,Gods working in my life,and has led me to Quest.But to get to the point Im trying to make.I try to get as close to the back as possiable.One with the girsl its easier to make a quick escape if they get loud.But the more I think and Imange,I bet Jesus is up front,on the front row.I think next Sunday at the 11am service I may set on the front row!!!!!!! Aint sure about the 9am though.Gotta go see what it is all about any of you Quest Members go!!!!???

Wishing I understood.

I have this friend,who has alot on her plate right now,and has had a lot her whole life it seems,
Shes in a loveless marriage,well in fact they broke up a long time ago.But neither wants to leave what they have worked so hard for.Some said theyll leave once the kids are grown well the kids are grown and yet they still live in this (Pit) both are depressed.It just doesnt make any sense why one cant just walk.,Maybe they think its normal.,BUT yet NONE of their kids ever come to vist,bring the grand kids over because of this.

I called this friend last night,to talk about Brookes MRI and SHE WENT OFF on me,Wanting to know why I had a MRI done on her.OK this would be ok,Had she NOT have known Brooke ,but shes known Brooke since the HPT came back Postive.She knows Brooke has a tumor on her optic nerve.and we do scans every 6 months to check on things.Im wondering if shes headed for a break down.anyway keep in your thoughts and prayers.I know she needs her family right now but she pushed everybody away.

As far a Brooke goes yesterday went OK.She kinda had a fit about not wanting to go,But after she got back to the pre op where she could lay down and relax,she was ok.We had the lap top up there and she was playing it till she went back!!!! We find out next Thursday what the say,if they dont call before then.

Guess thats it,we had a pretty good weekend here.Quite for the most part.LOL.BUT the main event,which I will leave for anther blog on a rainy day.Goes to show that Brooke and Kate or 2 peas in a pod!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Christ said, "If someone compels you to carry his pack one mile, carry it two. " 'Some people!' snorted a man standing some distance behind me in the long line at the grocery store. 'You would think the manager would pay attention and open another line, 'said a woman. I looked to the front of the line to see what the hold up was and saw a well dressed, young woman, trying to get the machine to accept her credit card. No matter how many times she swiped it, the machine kept rejecting it. 'It's one of them welfare card things. Damn people need to get a job like everyone else,' said the man standing behind me. The young woman turned around to see who had made the comment. 'It was me,' he said, pointing to himself. The young lady's face began to change expression. Almost in tears, she dropped the welfare card onto the counter and quickly walked out of the store. Everyone in the checkout line watched as she began running to her car. Never looking back, she got in and drove away. Several minutes later a young man walked into the store. He went up to the cashier and asked if she had seen the woman. After describing her, the cashier told him that she had run out of the store, got into her car, and drove away. 'Why would she do that?' asked the man. Everyone in the line looked around at the fellow who had made the statement. 'I made a stupid comment about the welfare card she was using. Something I shouldn't have said. I'm sorry,' said the man. 'Well, that's bad, real bad, in fact. Her brother was killed in Afghanistan two years ago. He had three young children and she has taken on that responsibility. She's twenty years old, single, and now has three children to support,' he said in a very firm voice. 'I'm really truly sorry. I didn't know,' he replied, shaking both his hands about. The young man asked, 'Are these paid for?' pointing to the shopping cart full of groceries. 'It wouldn't take her card,' the clerk told him. 'Do you know where she lives?' asked the man who had made the comment. 'Yes, she goes to our church. ' 'Excuse me,' he said as he made his way to the front of the line. He pulled out his wallet, took out his credit card and told the cashier, 'Please use my card. PLEASE!' The clerk took his credit card and began to ring up the young woman's groceries. Hold on,' said the gentleman. He walked back to his shopping cart and began loading his own groceries onto the belt to be included. 'Come on people. We got three kids to help raise!' he told everyone in line. Everyone began to place their groceries onto the fast moving belt. A few customers began bagging the food and placing it into separate carts. 'Go back and get two big turkeys,' yelled a heavyset woman, as she looked at the man. 'NO,' yelled the man. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks. The entire store became quiet for several seconds. 'Four turkeys,' yelled the man. Everyone began laughing and went back to work. When all was said and done, the man paid a total of $1,646.57 for the groceries. He then walked over to the side, pulled out his check book, and began writing a check using the bags of dog food piled near the front of the store for a writing surface. He turned around and handed the check to the young man. 'She will need a freezer and a few other things as well,' he told the man. The young man looked at the check and said, 'This is really very generous of you.' 'No,' said the man. 'Her brother was the generous one.' Everyone in the store had been observing the odd Commotion and began to clap. And I drove home that day feeling very American. We live in the Land of the free, because of the Brave!!! Remember our Troops of Yesterday and Today!!! A great example of why we should be kind and patient. Kindness is the language the blind can see and the deaf can hear. Never judge someone...until you have walked a mile in their shoes. May God's many blessings continue to be with you - ALWAYS MAY THIS KEEP GOING...IT MAY OPEN A LOT OF EYES,HOPEFULLY HEARTS, AND KEEP SOME MOUTHS SHUT. I don't know if this happened or not,But I have been in this ladies shoes,Not long after we lost Andy lost his job and we were able to get food stamps,We were given around $75 dollars for a month.We found out you could use coupons with food stamp.I used them to make things go father money.Well we were at the Kroger here in Richland I believe and was ringing out when I handed the cashier a young man I might add,When a man behind me said I have seen it all now,Coupons with foodstamps.The young man looked at him said dude,This is all they have for the WHOLE month,The little they saved may buy milk or bread later on.Hes like thats Bull.,There has got be 0ver 500 on that card,With tear filled eyes I looked at him said no sir this is it. Just 75 dollars,My husband lost his job,and I cant work at the moment I just lost my daughter who was still born and all we trying to do is get by,He did say he was sorry he had no idea,and offered to buy us a gallon of milk we said no we were covered.and walked off.I have had many more stories like that,SOME are great!! Like the time we were at walmart and had to put a gallon of chocolate milk cause we had over shot something,a guy seeing I was PG followed me to my car handed me my milk said his wife would kill him if she knew that a PG woman went without her Chocolate milk!!!!!!!!!! I was PG with Katie at the time. I just thought I would share where I had been and what God has taught me.I try soooo hard not to judge.I remind myself daily that I have NO stone to throw,Im not perfect and its by HIS Grace alone that I am where I am today..............

The day my life forever changed or How I became a Angels mommy,

Andy and I were married on March 20,1999,The first day of spring a time of new beginings,In May of that year.Mothers day I remember praying to God that he would make me a moma by next mothers day!! In my mind I was thinking more along the lines of just finding out that we were going to be parents,BUT God had other plans and by fathers day we found out we were in fact pregnant!!!!!!!!! Well we made it to the 12 week mark,We were safe,At about 20 weeks we found it was a girl!!!!!!!!!!! So we began getting ready setting up her room.Picking out names,All the things new parents do.Then on Nov,22.I woke up in a panic something was wrong,I could place it,I then relized that she hadn't she moved all weekend,So I put a call in to the doc,and they just said to come the next morining and they would do a non stress to see what was up.So we get up the next day and go in.Im going to be blunt from here on out forgive anything that may offend you,But this is what happened and how I feel.I walked in to the pit of hell,The nurse (Jane) was a beast talikg about how Crying wolf wasnt nice and that all I was trying to do was to get a sono,as she strapped on the montor for the non stress test.Well no heart beat could be found so she snapped the leads off.Slapping me with them in the process!!!
Talking about how I still wasnt going to get the sono she was going to go the OBs doppler and prove to me that the baby was ok!! I remember thanking GOD !! I guess she heard me cause her mood changed kinda,I over heard to convo in the hall,About crying wolf and sono,Well she came back and said well your going to get your sono anyway,Lucky you kinda snotty.So off we went around the conner to the sono.The tech was awful quite that day.As she scanned my belly that day,Then she dropped the probe and without a word left the room,She came back with my ob.and started whispering to him pointing at the screen,I saw all the color drain from his face,Then he sat down and said something like it had been 5 years and couldnt believe it happened and was happening to MEE!! Then the words he said that my baby was gone.It was then that my brain comperhend what my heart already knew,I was 26 weeks PG,A room ready to go,My baby was gone.We went home and packed a bag,To go get ready to deliver this baby.I got checked in about 3 PM and an Angel named Katie yes that her real name came to my bed side and told me her story of her Angel baby and said in a year I would be back and everything would be OK!!! Katie was the Angel her words got through the hell that was waiting on me,We got the ball rolling about 7 that night,That one failed as did 2 others so any way about 24 hours later,At 7 they move from the gates of hell,I should mention I was in a room at the end of a long dark hallway out of everybody site.(I was depressing)?????? and oh my it was like Thanksgiving and they didnt want nothing spoiled.I just been told my baby has died and you treat me like this????? you would think a little compassion would have been nice BUT NONE WAS to be found anyway I went from the gates of hell to the PIT.I saw the devil himself that night,In a form of 2 nurses.What happened here maybe graphic and hard to believe but it did happen,

I was moved to a LDR (Pit of Hell).the started a new drug and anyway that wasnt working and about 11:15 my ob came in and basicaly said that everything had faile he was going to shut everything down and see we were tommrow,We were going to discuss a c sec,Anyway he left a mom was pushing and needed him.I ask for a EPI it had been 16 hours labor and nothing was happening.I was tired.and wanted to sleep.I ask the nurse she rolled her eyes said it would be 2 hours for him to get to me,more imporant people,aka women with live babies came first,
So after she left We did the only thing we could do and that was pray that God move a mountain.A 9 hour mountain!!!
Thats how long my ob said that it would be,So thats like a CM of dialtion a hour?????? Ok so anyway we prayed and I pass out,I wake up about 15 mints with the earge to PUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!! we call the nurses in they are like shut the heck up you just gotta pea,and say they are going to cath me so my butt will leave them alone!!!!!!! Ok so they check nurse 1 to 2nd nurse uhhhhhh head shes like no,She said yes.Shes like how,Then with one push she was out born into Jesus' arms,They wrap her up in dirty towels and sheets.and carry her across the hall to the dirty liens closet,They say just to hang tight and let the hall clear they were busy that night with lots of joyus famliys and new babys andthey didnt want me stealing their joy,(YES That was said) about 2am they moved me,back to the pit,the demons were back ulgier than ever.grabbed me up threw me into a chair and started spewing stuff about how I had gotten myself into trouble and it wasnt their job to clean up my mess .at that moment in time I felt like I just had some back alley abortion in the 1960s,My baby was dead.Gone and they treated me like scum.I got moved and had anther awful nurse its now Thanksgiving day.By the way and they ignore me,I hear the chatter in the hall way talking about how the wish the witch in room ***** would just leave shes soooooooooo depreasing,They were talking about me!!!!!!!!!! So then devil girl #4 comes in the social worker comes in,nurses at the nurses stationa ask her what she doing shes like nuttin this wont take long,I got lunch on the table and I got it to it,She comes in arms crossed says your baby is disfigured I dont advise you see her and leaves the room.I never saw my baby,never got a foot print nuttin it was like she never was.
She was burried that Sat,I made the mistake of going to my grandparents to eat as the chatted about what stores they were going to hit the next day,Black Friday,,I had just lost the one thing in my life that I had always wanted,and yall talk like this here I am dying or felt like it,My chest had been ripped from me stomped and handed back to me,I felt betrayed and ashamed,almost like I had been rapped.I just wanted to go home and bar the windows and doors hide under the covers till noons day,I did go to her funrel and then I did go and stay I didnt leave or go anywhere for a very long time,I stayed in the dark,.It was never dark enough,I HATED THE LIGHT,.As the days grew I got to where I felt like well maybe I could go to walmart NOPE! A newborn was there,it cried the whole time!! the mother did nothing.I broke down,Not pretty,Things did get better,God begin to work,I got to were I could stand to be around kids again without crying and in June of 2000 we found out we were PG again and on FEB 9 2001.at what should have been her big sis first bday,Brooke came into our life all 7lbs 2oz of her.

I have gone back to the pits of hell.I came out with my dear sweet Katelynn Elizabeth,Katie is a angel just like the nurse that was the Angel in my hell,She was just sent during our sec.vist in hell those of you who know Brookes story know the hell Im talking about,

As for Jane She came to me and we have made admends,(not her real name!!) I forgave her.I would love to have a chance to set down with the others too and show them what God did for me and how he has blessed me!!!!!!
But Katies name is her real name!!!!!!!! I admire her and consider her a Angel I thank God for her,Without her I dont think I would have the strenght to carry on.Katie if you ever read this THANK YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH,


Im going to close now if you have any questions feel free to ask,Im not afraid to answer anything,Im very open about this

Angel Hope bornstill on Nov 24,1999 at 11:45 PM

An Angel Never Dies

Don't let them say, I wasn't born
That something stopped my heart
I felt each tender squeeze you gave
I've loved you from the start.

Although my body you can't hold,
It doesn't mean I'm gone.
This world was worthy, not, of me
God chose that I move on.

I know the pain that drowns your soul,
What you are forced to face.
You have my word, I'll fill your arms
Someday we will embrace.

You'll hear that it was "meant to be,
God doesn't make mistakes"
But that won't soften your worst blow..
Or make your heart not ache.

I'm watching over all you do,
another child you'll bear.
Believe me when I say to you,
That I am always there.

There will come a time, I promise you
When you will hold my hand,
Stroke my face and kiss my lips
And then you'll understand.

Although, I've never breathed your air,
Or gazed into your eyes..
That doesn't mean I never "was"
An Angel Never Dies........

Author Unknown

My Christian walk..........

Hey yall.

Hope you are having a awesome Tuesday!!!!! It kinda rained here today,Wish it would have lasted I love rainy days!!! But lets get to the real reason for this blog.

I have a feeling that what God in my life a 9 years this coming Thanksgiving is about to come to play.I just have the feeling that I need to type it up and have it ready.(Yall pray its still hard for me to talk about,)I dont know how many of y'all have read the book the Shack,Well I feel like Mack most days there is alot that I need to forgive or let go.Im not mad at God I understand that she wasnt meant for this world,Its just that some people turned a horriable ordeal into a greater one,
(Ill post it later) Anyway I have held on to this,I guess because its all I have of my sweet dear (HOPE),For those of who dont know I lost a baby when I was 6 months preg.We named her Angel Hope.Its been hard,YES I know I have been blessed with two beatiful girls,But sometimes I feel like a piece of me is missing.

Ok now back to my Christian walk,Im not perfect BY ANYMEANS!!!!!!! long way from it...... as a a matter of fact this poem fits me to a T!!


When I Say "I Am A Christian"
by Carol Wimmer
When I say..."I am a Christian"I'm not shouting "I am saved"I'm whispering "I get lost!""That is why I chose this way."When I say..."I am a Christian"don't speak of this with pride.I'm confessing that I stumbleand need someone to be my guide.When I say..."I am a Christian"I'm not trying to be strong.I'm professing that I'm weakand pray for strength to carry on.When I say..."I am a Christian"I'm not bragging of success.I'm admitting I have failedand cannot ever pay the debt.When I say..."I am a Christian"I'm not claiming to be perfect,my flaws are too visiblebut God believes I'm worth it.When I say..."I am a Christian"I still feel the sting of painI have my share of heartacheswhich is why I seek His name.When I say..."I am a Christian"I do not wish to judge.I have no authority.I only know I'm loved.

So those of you who see me,just now that Im not perfect.I fall,and I fall HARD.Im trying I real am.and if I have offened aany of you in any way Im sorry,I know I tend to dress a little ohhh how you say unmodest,maybe,just know that I dont mean to be that,3 years ago I had a hysterectomy and have not been the same since,I stay HOT!!! So if you see me in something without sleeves and such just Know that IM hot or in the middle of hot flash and forgive me.
Im not trying to be sexy SOoooooooo far from it.Alright I hope this helps explain me in someway and that I have not made anybody more confused than they already are!!!!!!! What it boils down to is that Im very disfunctional but GOD LOVES ME OUTRAGEOUSLY!!!!!!!! Thanks y'all Ill type up Hopes story and have it up soon,,

Whats new with us.

Well to be honest not to much,Last Saturday we had a benefit concert for mu sis,Why the crowd was small we raised about $600.Not to bad from a crowd of 20 people.This Saturday we took the girls to the fair,It maybe just me but it gets smaller and more $$$ every year it just doesnt seem to hold the pazzaz that it use to.

Sunday we over slept,I woke up and the clock it read 10:15 NOT GOOD,So church members if you read this that is why we missed we were not ditching.

I have not posted much,have not had much to post about,I think I will now,I think Ill just post what God lays on my heart,hes been working with me and will see where it leads.

Do any of y'all know how to follow blogs there are some on y'alls blogs that I would love to follow,and get to know soo if they have my spaces or facebooks.send them my way.We already have one or 2 things in common we love Jesus Christ and we blog!!!!!!!!!!

Ok till tommrow love y'all and Dre'lynn (I think thats right you husband is in my prayers.)